And the moment I thought would never happen came as inevitable as the sun setting down the horizon. She unzipped my pants and pulled it down while I helped her tore her yellow dress apart. I felt her hand on my untrimmed chest and realized we were actually kissing. I never tasted her lips but it was like I’ve tasted it before.
With every recurring beat of my heart, her hand slowly crawled underneath my shirt, finger by finger. I rose up my arm to help her undress me. And by the moment the cotton cloth of my shirt went up, I saw her face. I felt a sudden urge. Her eyes were telling me to go for it. We kissed again.
Lips to lips, skin to skin; no layer of anything but thin moist air was between us. She pushed my chest and down I went to the sofa. It wasn’t so hard to be neither painful nor so soft to not feel anything; it felt like we both skipped a heartbeat. We laughed a little and then kissed a lot again.
Everything happened so fast like it would never happen again. Every moment spent was sensual as I’ve never thought it would be. Her weight over my body and my warmth mingling with hers made that night the least lonesome I’ve ever had. Naked we were and cold was the night
How I wish I’d asked her number or her name even.
Before I met you the world was dark. Everything, from every leaf of a tree to every tint of the clouds; the sunrise, the sunset and even the stars in the sky, they all seemed to be behind something. Something much bigger than life; it was so enormous that it blocked the sun and casted a shadow upon my world, making my hands crawl on people’s braille scrolls, which I’ve never learned to read.
Then you came when I least expected you to. You concealed all the darkness in the world in your lips, and when you smiled at me for the first time, you gave me happiness. The trees were bare no more and the skies, the clouds, the stars, were less lonely than they used to be.
The sparks in your eyes made me think that they were the only Christmas lights that last for a whole year. And you made me feel that something had caught fire in the shadows on the streets and alleys of my subconscious. You burned down every dark memories and all you left was the fire itself.
Maybe people were right in saying that the closer you look the less you see. It is just now that it occurred to me that you were that thing that was bigger than life. And you distanced yourself fourteen feet away from me and sucked all the darkness that was then indifferent to my eyes. It is just now that I realized how much color you have brought to my life. It is just now that I knew how unselfish you were to leave behind your colors just to make sure my every day would be fine. Albeit that it means making your own world like the world I used to live in.
It is just now, that I realized I was so dumb to not even notice what life was offering in front me. It is just now, that I’ve accepted the fact that I love you, when you already left the world which you made colorful and worth-living.
It is just now that I realized that the only thing that keeps me warm is the fire you left burning inside of me.
Wow. Okay, are you having the same problems as me now? XDXDXD
She was the only person to tell me that wishing upon stars is just as foolish as hanging oneself without a rope. There’s something peculiar about the way she speaks every word as if she meant all of them. She said she likes naming the clouds in the sky after her friends because they come in all shapes and colors and they go like water vapor.
Everyone, she once told me, is six degrees away from each other. Winter is her favorite season, not because of the snow but because of the frozen dead trees down the streets. She calls them beautiful and she says that the other thing she likes about them is that they don’t brag about it.
All along I thought I knew her more than anybody in this world. But I just can’t fathom why she had to leave me without saying even a single word. She left me hanging to nothing at all as if I was wishing upon a star.
At age 3, my father bought me a new pair of shoes. It was my favorite shoes back then; I forced my feet into it even at age 5. That year, my father bought me a new pair of shoes. It was way better than the first. I wore it to school, to church, and to my own room even. It became my new favorite.
Some months later, my parents thought another month would not work for the three of us. They separated and cut all possible communications. My mom gave me shoes every Christmas for the following years. The system goes like this: I will like the latest more than I liked the previous one, but only half as much as I will like the next one.
And now, for my sixteenth birthday, I decided to walk barefooted. Throughout that span of years, I gradually lost a piece of me. I just can’t fathom myself why. Perhaps, because I’m not in my shoes anymore.
At last! After—-I don’t know how many days it took me, I finally finished
I still trace the stars
in the night sky
to see your face
in the dark
With morose solitude, I seek for company
With freezing cold nights, I seek for your warmth
You used to tell me the tale wise men tell
about fools falling in love
Now, I ask you to tell me the words I want to hear
you know how deep I fall for them
This constant annoyance; an enormous
empty space between us,
a gap of light-years span,
I hope you are reaching for my hands too
Hold it and
Never let it go
There comes a point in time
we feel left out,
with a spontaneous world
we can’t keep up with
We forget the feeling
of falling in and out
of love like it is respiration;
Then we’ll just realize
it’s a part of our system,
we become indifferent to it,
then we feel numb
The dull color of sadness
is indifferent to
The sound of teardrops falling
is the melody of
I showed her my soul
and she showed me
She said it was her heart
that makes it hard for her
to love me back
In lonely winter nights
like my life,
you stay by my side
Transferring your heat
to me, with just one layer of sheet
that divides our body
And though I’ve heard your words
a thousand times, you say it still,
for you know I want you to
Your last words will
always keep me warm,
I just hope my love could unfreeze you
In cold summer nights,
like my whole existence,
I miss your warmth